The Good Manner: Advice on Thailand from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s question: a Thai village marriage… what’s the story?

Dear Pa Farang, what is a village marriage as mentioned here (http://www.thaioasis.com/pf/pafarangcorner.php) and how would one go about arranging one?  Thanks in advance, Derek

 Hello Derek,

I have already written about some of the characteristics of village weddings, as well as some things you might want to consider avoiding as you move forward. Also check out my previous post which specifically deals with the issue of a dowry.

The “village marriage” is just that, a marriage in name only, and without any legal basis. It serves to legitimize, in the eyes of a Thai village, a relationship between two people. In the cases of farang (westerners), the groom is typically a western male, The bride a village woman. In such cases, the groom is expected to pay for a party, to which all friends and family are invited. In many cases, that means the entire village. That means all the booze, a roasted pig or two, etc. The groom is also expected to pay a dowry. How much? Read the column I referred to in the previous paragraph.

In terms of your question, how do you set one up? The woman in question will do it for you. She’ll make all the arrangements, tell you how much to pay for the party, and tell you how much to pay for the dowry, too (mom or auntie will help her with this, as westerners are typically sized up by the amount they look like they can pay.)

Of course, there’s also the matter of a legal marriage, which involves a signed document. The advantage of having a village marriage only is that in theory, anyone can walk away without involving the Thai court system. A Thai woman may very well just want to have the village marriage, for several reasons. She may want to see how the live-in situation goes before getting married legally, and the village marriage proves that you’re serious about each other (or serious about getting married, a different thing entirely). Caveat emptor: she may have a Thai boyfriend in the village (she’ll introduce him as a “cousin”), and the entire village respects the fact that she’s trying to cobble together some cash for her life with her future husband (not you).

It is common, when a Thai woman first has a legal marriage to a westerner, she will want to have a village marriage anyway, as all of her friends and family get to have a party and meet the groom.

Bottom line is let the woman take the lead on setting up the village wedding. Just ensure that you know where you stand in terms of the relationship, and what’s expected of you in terms of financial obligations.

Marayat Dee,

– Pa Farang

Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia