Bachelor in Bangkok: Khun Lee on why you should NOT sleep with Thai women

When I first lived in Paradise 8 years ago I made a lot of mistakes, the most noteworthy of these was exhibiting a total lack of discipline when it came to sleeping around.  Now, I know my nickname is Khun Nana and everyone knows I am a dog amongst dogs, but the reality of living here is that there are times and situations where it’s better just to walk away from the opportunity and live to cat around another day.  My first 2 years here I bagged pretty much every hot gal I bumped into, and the day came that it was uncomfortable for me to go to many of my favorite places.  Here is a short list derived from my numerous indiscretions and the resulting difficulties that ensued:

1 )Nailed 2 gals at my fitness club (one member and one staff) and no one said hello or acted friendly to me there afterward. This was quite costly to me as my daily workouts and socializing at the club was something I looked forward to each morning.

2 )Nailed the cashier at the only 7-11 (at the time it was the only one anyway) near my home and almost got hit in the back of the head by a coke bottle the next time I went in there.

3) Mistakenly bagged 2 cashiers at the only supermarket that was walking distance to my home, resulting in hushed silence and dirty looks every time I needed to go food shopping.

4) Had a very kinky night of sex with the Starbucks cashier and had to start drinking my favorite ice coffee elsewhere.  She was a vixen though!

5) Slept with the waitress at my favorite (and VERY cheap) Thai restaurant and after she turned out to be a total whacko jealous possessive she devil (with a very tight body) was scared to death to ever walk back into the place.

6) Had a lovely night of animal sex with the daughter of the lady who sold fruit in front of my apartment.  Really I should have been shot for this as that lady has the freshest fruit in town and now I have to walk on the other side of the road when I see her cart.  Man do I miss her mangoes.  Her daughter could suck a gold ball through a garden hose too.

7) Went to a party with the hello girl at my favorite Thai fast food restaurant, and let my guard down for a minute and let one of her friends give me a blowjob in the bathroom.  That damn restaurant had the best grilled chicken I have ever tasted.

8) Had sex with one of the realtors who showed me apartments when I first arrived.  This really shouldn’t have been such a problem, but when I jilted her she dumped sand in front of my door every night for a week.  I still don’t know where that damn sand came from.

9) Shagged the bartender at my favorite British Pub, and she ended up telling me that if I didn’t marry her she was going to tell everyone in the Pub that I was gay and liked little boys.  She definitely had issues.

10) I saved the worst for last.  I was invited to a wedding outside of Bangkok, and the groom arranged for a van to carry 12 or 13 of us to the ceremony which was several hundred km. away.  Fortune had it that I was the only man in the vehicle among 12 gals.  I really didn’t think this would be a big problem as sometimes I get car sick on long trips and thought my manhood would stay firmly tucked inside my pants because of this.   I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Within an hour of departing one gal fell asleep with her head on my lap.  I ended up getting an erection as she kept moving her head and body around as she slept, and when we stopped at the first of many rest stops she followed me into the men’s bathroom and proceeded to alleviate my discomfort.  I thought this was very sporting of her and was prepared to travel the remainder of the way without incident. 

The problem was that she must have told one of her friends, and when we stopped 2 hours later at the next rest stop another gal followed me into the rest room and literally sucked my cock like a popsicle.  I wasn’t really in the mood having just had an orgasm, but I hadn’t formally been introduced to this gal and felt it might be a little impolite to not cooperate.

We made it to our destination without further incident, and I told everyone I was going to rent a hotel room for myself in spite of the fact that everyone had been invited to sleep at the bride’s home.  This old bugger just ain’t sleeping on any more wooden floors.  It turned out that 3 of the gals from the van really wanted a decent night’s sleep also, so I invited all to stay with me and we slept 4 to the queen sized bed that I was given at the very inexpensive motel.  When the lights went out it was really dark in the room (man is the sky black at night when you get outside the big city) and I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep.  Imagine my shock when in the middle of the night I woke up and one of the 3 gals was sucking my cock!  She then crawled on top of me and proceeded to ravage me while staying as silent as she could.  To this day I still don’t know which of the 3 gals it was, but in the morning no one was talking to anyone else!  It really wasn’t my fault as I was only semi-conscious, but the rest of the trip was so uncomfortable that I flew back to Bangkok alone.

The moral of the story is:

Just because you can fuck ‘em all, doesn’t mean that you should!!

Read Khun Lee’s other WoWasis columns for more advice on navigating the adult dating scene through the backstreets of Bangkok