I just returned from my twice a year pilgrimage to the gates of hell (United States) and the jet lag lingers on and on.  It’s amazing that I lived my first 43 years in the USA and I still feel like an outsider when I return to visit.  Let me tell you that those poor clueless bastards (I am referring to the men) there are being led around by the nose by the domineering women.  Never in my life have I seen so many weak, desperate, pathetic men.  I really am surprised any of them can even get an erection they are so lacking in masculinity and self-esteem. 

My friend Jim who I have known for 40 years was supposed to pick me up at the airport, but upon my arrival there was no one to greet me.  When I phoned him he was stuttering on the line and said something like “err my girlfriend doesn’t like it when I go places without her, and she isn’t here at the moment so I never left the house.”  What a pathetic wimp. He then went on to explain that if he ever does something to piss her off, he has to sleep on the couch for a week.  I told him to f*ck off in no uncertain terms and paid for the $70 taxi ride to my home.  Yes, both cars and fuel are cheaper in the USA than they are in Thailand, but a 15 mile taxi fare is $70 there and $7 in Bangkok.  Welcome home you schmuck is what I was thinking at the time. 

My first night in America I went to a small local bar with a friend who recently sold his software company to Microsoft and is so rich he doesn’t know what to do with all of his cash.  He started explaining to me that there was a really hot new bartender at this place and all the guys in his group had already been shot down in their attempts to get a date with her.  We proceed to grab a couple bar stools and when I look up an over-flowing glacier of a woman is oozing toward us from behind the bar.  Just as I was about to joke with my mate that this couldn’t possibly be the hottie that he was going on and on about but perhaps this monster has eaten her, his face lights up like a Christmas tree and he says “ Khun Nana let me introduce you to Debbie.  Debbie, this is Khun Nana.  He lives in Thailand, but when he is in town he will be hanging out here a lot.”  This beast looks at me with disdain and mumbles to my friend “Are you trying to introduce me to this person?  Listen it’s busy in here so what will you have?”  We give her our drink order and I turn to my friend and ask him why she was so rude to us, and his response was that he didn’t think she was being rude at all!  Yes dear readers, in my lovely hometown of Washington D.C. rich educated guys are chasing and being rejected by fat, rude water buffalos and the poor clueless bastards don’t even know that there is another world out there, a world filled with millions of beautiful, sexy, approachable women who are polite and cherish men.  Why do I ever leave Thailand?

We local guys are often the recipients of the free entertainment that results from western men coming on holiday to Thailand and throwing all of their money at the local lasses.  Now it is not my intention to whine about all the free sex I get from gals who have idiots overseas sending them money, or to complain about all the laughs and chuckles I have watching these guys go down in flames.  However, some of these men are ruining their life by flushing needed money down the toilet so I would like to offer the following insights about giving lump sums of money to gals who you barely know:

1) No matter how much money you give a gal she will never like you any more for it. Either she likes you or she doesn’t and no amount of money will change that.

2) If you give her a reasonable sum of money and she asks for more, I guarantee that she doesn’t like or respect you at all.  Thai gals are very aware of the fact that repeated requests for money will be viewed as mercenary and selfish and they will not do it if they want a future with the guy.  If she repeatedly ask for money than she views you only as a customer.

3) You don’t need to “save” her. Believe it or not, most Thais are much happier than westerners and they have a good life here.  If she is working in the naughty nightlife industry then she is already making 3 to 10 times more than all of her non-working peers at home and she doesn’t need your charity.  Don’t think you are doing her a favor trying to move her to the west as 99.9% of Thais would much rather live in Thailand than any other country, and she will consider it a SACRIFICE moving to your country.

4) If you absolutely insist on giving money to some gal in spite of all of the evidence that it is a huge mistake, then do it the way a Thai guy would.  Bring her into your trust slowly.  Give her absolutely no money the first few months and then start to help her a little at a time as you see that she has genuine feelings for you.  If you throw money at her from day 1 then you will NEVER know if she actually cares for you or not. Also Thai women want a strong man for a partner and if you are stupid about throwing money around then she will view you as weak and good for nothing other than money. 

One thing I love about Thais is that unlike westerners, Thais can be very happy while earning little or no money.  I am reminded of a day I was having a beer in a small cocktail lounge in Bangkok a few years before I took the plunge and moved here permanently.  There were 5 gals working and 4 were quite young and one was clearly the oldest.  One of the gals asked me why I would give up a high paying job in the USA in order to move to a poor country like Thailand.  I was still pondering my reply when the oldest gal said “I know why.  Because in America everybody rich and nobody happy, but in Thailand nobody rich and almost everybody happy.”  Yes, that most certainly is the reason and I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Read Khun Lee’s other WoWasis columns for more advice on navigating the adult dating scene through the backstreets of Bangkok