I am starting to think that those of us fortunate (or smart) enough to be living in Paradise are getting just a tad bit spoiled.  I went out to party at one of my favorite watering holes the other night and met up with my best mate from Sunderland, England.  We each ate well, consumed 7 or 8 beers and had pleasant conversation with the other patrons of the bar.  Then my friend dialed in a girl and went home to have a night of sex and debauchery.  When I bumped into him the next day, he proceeded to tell me that he had a quiet night the previous evening because he hadn’t been feeling like himself lately.  I guess we all have our definition of a “quiet night” but I am not sure that 5 hours of beer drinking and socializing followed by 3 more hours of sex is what most people would refer to as a “quiet night?” 

I must admit there is a slight possibility that I am also becoming a little spoiled.  Twice this past week gals called my mobile to request a session of hot sex and both times I told them I was busy because I really wasn’t in the mood.  It isn’t that I don’t like them or that I am bored with sex, but like many Thai gals these 2 sex kittens expect to shower first, make love for an hour or so and then shower again.  I already shower at least twice a day in this steam bath climate and I just wasn’t in the mood this week for all that work.  They are both lovely gals and they never ask me for any money or favors, but all that showering and toweling off is just too much work for the pleasure of having sex with them.  Perhaps I should have made an exception with gal number 2 as she is a flight attendant for an international carrier and just likes to have steamy sex on her way to the airport?  She is really, really hot. Ooohhhh, and the things she can do with her mouth and tongue.  Nah, it’s just too much work. 

If I have seen it once, I have seen it a thousand times.  I cannot state strongly enough that when dealing with Thai women, especially bar girls, one must spend money wisely and not try to act like the big shot. Twice more this week, I witnessed guys spending money foolishly and frivolously, just to become frustrated at the results.   Thai women are very basic and simple by nature.  If they had 15 customers this month including you, and 14 of these guys paid 1000 to 1500 baht and you paid 3000 baht, you are definitely the first one she will beg money from anytime she has a money problem, and trust me when I say their money problems are lifelong.  Giving money to a Thai bar girl is like pouring water into a pitcher that has a hole in the bottom, no matter how much you add the pitcher will always be empty.  I am not saying you should be cheap or that you shouldn’t pay a respectable amount for quality service.  Quite to the contrary.  Buy drinks, mess around with the ladies and have fun, but learn what is the “normal” amount for tips and service payments and pay just that amount, no more and no less.  If you give them twice as much as every other guy, I absolutely guarantee you that the service will be no better, but they will treat you like a walking ATM machine and whine and pout every time you don’t up the ante.  If you are only in town 1 or 2 nights then why not act like the stupid tourist who doesn’t understand the local customs, but if you plan on spending more than a few days here then do a little research before throwing yourself into the deep end of the pool. 

Many local guys, including myself, use the internet to chat up local office girls who want to meet a foreign guy for a bit of fun.  There are many websites and the action really gets hot and spicy.  It was even more entertaining than usual this week as I received an email from a gal’s personal email address that was not from her at all, but from some loser sponsor who is jealously guarding his stock.  It read something like this:

“My name is Steve and this girl is MY girlfriend.  I have bought her a house, car and business and we are talking about living together.  So she is NOT available mate, sorry to break the bad news.” 

I laughed so hard that I almost cried.  Can you imagine the pathetic loser who thinks he needs to monitor his plaything’s email in order to keep her from cheating on him?  Please friends, if I ever reach the point this fellow has and have squandered every ounce of dignity and self-esteem, do me a favor and throw me in the Chao Phraya River.  I didn’t know if I should respond to the email as it was not from his address bu from the gal’s, however this would have been my response: “Sorry mate, I didn’t want to buy her a house, or a car, or a business. I leave that up to you. I just wanted to have sex with her.”

Read Khun Lee’s other WoWasis columns for more advice on navigating the adult dating scene through the backstreets of Bangkok