The Good Manner: Advice on Thailand from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: Is hard pinching really a form of love? 

Dear Pa Farang,
My face is sore (again) from my Thai wife’s latest onslaught, which involves pinching my cheeks strongly.  This nonsense started after her sister arrived for a visit with her new baby girl.  As soon as my wife saw the baby, she pinched her cheeks, said “man-Kee-ow,” and the baby squealed in delight.  Then, her sister did the same thing to me, which made them both break out in giggle fits.  Now my wife has picked up the habit of doing it night and day, leaving me with more or less a constant facial bruise.  Telling her to stop makes her pull the long face, and she tells me I’m being “mai sanuk.”  For the next few minutes, she broods, and I assume she’s gotten the hint not to do it anymore.  Next day she’s back at it again.  How can I keep my face and sanity intact, and my wife happy at the same time? 

–  Khun William

 Dear KW,

You are the unwilling victim of “man-Kee-ow”, an affectionate type of pinching which takes up two forms.  The first iteration occurs when adults playfully pinch young children as a way of telling them how cute they are.  The pinch is accompanied by saying “man-Kee-ow”, which has no literal translation into English, but means something like “How cute!” 

The second form of “man-Kee-ow” pinching is what you’re experiencing now.  This occurs between lovers and husbands and wives.  It also means you’re cute, but there’s also an element of “sadeet nit-noy” (a little bit Sadist), in that the result is painful for you, and your wife enjoys it. 

The fact that your wife gets upset when you ask her to stop tells me that she may have a romantically aggressive personality, and she may feel that you’re frustrating her need to communicate with you romantically in this way.  If that’s the case, she may ultimately wish to take her aggressiveness to a higher level, while you two are engaged in amorous activities.  

Have a talk with your wife when you’re not upset.   Instead of focusing on pinching, ask her how she feels about your marital relations.  Somewhere in the conversation, I’d ask her if she enjoys “man-Kee-ow”.  ft she says “it make me exciting!”, then you’ll have to accept the fact that even if you manage to get her to stop, she may eventually find another substitute activity that may damage your pleasure even more.  “Man-Kee-ow” may be indicative of a primal element within her being that has been unleashed.  If so, consider merit-making at a local wat, as a means of regaining your calm demeanor, essential for maintaining a harmonious household.  Please take heart in the fact that there are many men who wish they could walk in your shoes, as glossy magazines attest. 

Marayat dee, 
– Pa Farang 

Read Pa Farang’s other columns in WoWasis for more advice on relationships and cultural matters in Asia