editor’s note: for more on the nuts and bolts of the soapy massage experience, read WoWasis’ post on soapy massages

For many years I have partied in Bangkok the traditional western way, which is to spend a great deal of my time in go-go bars and beer bars.  These places are filled with western men, most of the staff speaks at least a little English, and the internet is flush with information about where to go and what to do.  I have always known that these naughty nightlife options for westerners is just the tip of the iceberg in what can only be described as Disneyland for the naughty foreign male.  The quantity and variety of naughty boy options available in Bangers absolutely boggles the mind and imagination.  

Here are just a few of the venues available to the man who would like a bit of “companionship” for the evening: 

1)Go-go bars
2)Beer Bars
3)Hotel Lounges
4)Discos
5)Massage Parlors
6)Drive-in short time hotels equipped with curtains to hide your vehicle!
7)Open-air areas surrounding high trafficked  locations such as Nana Car Park
8)Street gals
9)Gals plying Parks such as Lumpini and Sanam Luang
10)Karaoke bars
11)Beer Gardens
12)Traditional massage places-these gals can be dirtier than the “parlors”
13)Foreign style restaurant/bars such as Gullivers and Bully
14)Coffee shops in older hotels such as Florida, Nana and Federal
15)Any place with gals representing beer companies-yes MANY are in the game
16)Thai clubs such as those at RCA and Ratchada Road
17)Venues with live bands-have picked up some hotties there!
18)Large (palatial) beer houses such as Tawan Daeng and Holland Beer
19)Small freelance shops such as Thermae Coffee Shop (can you get coffee there???)
20)Escort services-I have 1 mate who just goes to the small reception area of his local escort service and asks for whatever gal is brand new to the joint. He has had some amazing experiences. 

Of course, I am leaving out the internet here and there are dozens of ways to hook up with a local “entertainment provider” at both Thai and English sites.  I like to see my gals in the flesh before making a choice so maybe a reader can write in some helpful hints for the rest of us here.  Oh shite, I left out straight sex places such as Eden Club and……forget it there are just too damn many to name. 

This is a very small and incomplete list of the ways to rent some loving for the evening.  There are at least 3 times this many, and I don’t know if it is even possible to complete a comprehensive list of all the avenues available to the horny masses. I once read online a very creative list of 109 different venues to get laid in Bangkok and I wish I had printed a copy of it.  After 9 years of living in Paradise, at least once a month I get dragged to a place by a mate that I never knew existed and end up shaking my head in disbelief and mumbling something along the lines of “damn I didn’t know I could score a babe at a place like this. I didn’t even know this place was here.” 

That leads me to my current adventure.  I have always liked to party first and indulge later, so I never gave much thought to choosing a gal at one of those large massage parlors.  Some guys refer to them as “soapies” and in the old days they were called Turkish Bath Houses.  Anyway, this week I decided to indulge myself and wandered into one of the larger and more popular venues on Ratchada road.  In the back of my mind I have been meaning to go, as I have several Asian friends who swear by the places and rant on and on about how hot the gals are and how good the service is. 

 Well, I have to say I was absolutely blown away at how many perfect looking hotties were available for my perverted pleasure. I can honestly admit it was the greatest number of beautiful girls I have ever seen in one place in my life.  The gals were way hot, the price about the same as bar fining a gal from a go-go bar and using a short time room, and everyone was extremely polite and courteous.  Here is my synopsis of the good and bad points of indulging in this manner: 

GOOD1) Might as well start with the core issue! The gals are WAY hotter than the gals you will see in any western style venue.  There were over 60 gals available and I didn’t see a single gal who was fat, had a baby scar or was over 25 years old.  Think of those amazing gals you see walking around Siam Paragon and you get the picture. 

2) The price is all-in-you pay a set price and that covers everything.  You don’t buy her a drink, no bar fine, no charge for the room or even for the condom! 

3) The service and time is set. Unlike a “short time” at a go-go area where the gal tries to finish in 20 minutes and run off, this place you get 2 hours with the gal and she bathes you, loves you and …….well I got everything and more than I could have dreamed of.  You have 2 hours of sexual intimacy with the girl of your dreams. 

4) There is no pressure. I sat and enjoyed a beer (65 baht as opposed to 145 at foreign style gogos) and took my time perusing the inventory. 

5) The gals are so polite and accommodating.  The customers here are 95% Asian so bad attitudes and abusive language just isn’t tolerated. 

BAD 

1) It is point and shoot.  Yes, you can enjoy a beer and take your time selecting a gal, but there isn’t much partying between the customers and gals in the reception area.  You are supposed to go there for sex!  Sure you can have a drink and relax, but if you want to party and really let loose the more traditional places for westerners guys are a better choice. 

2) Price-I paid a little over 2000 baht all-in, and although that is about the same as bar fine, room and fee for the gal in a farang area, it is much cheaper to just accumulate mobile numbers of freelancers and call one in when you feel the urge. When I call a gal to come to my room I normally pay 1000 baht. 

You better believe I will be a regular customer from this day forward.

Read Khun Lee’s other WoWasis columns for more advice on navigating the adult dating scene through the backstreets of Bangkok