The Good Manner: Advice on Thailand from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: My girlfriend’s a Phone Freak 

Dear Pa Farang, 

My Thai girlfriend and I have been living together for over one year now, and I just can’t seem to break her of the habit of carrying a mobile phone constantly, and answering it at all  hours, texting, you name it.  What has become especially disturbing to me is the fact that sometimes she’ll look at the number calling her, and arbitrarily refuse to answer it.  I’ve started to wonder if she’s got another boyfriend out there, but I’m loathe to confront her.  I’ve been considering asking her to give up her phone.  What’s your take on this? 

–  Worried about my future wife 

Dear Worried, 

The way I see it, you’ve got one of two situations going on here, one good, the other bad.  Or maybe not so bad, so bear me out.  You can take the telephone away from the Thai girl, but you can’t take the Thai girl away from the telephone.  Simply put, the Thai girl is wedded to her phone from birth. If you take it away from her, she’ll probably get another one, and hide it from you (“phone belong to my sister/friend/boss, etc”).  

In the first scenario I alluded to above, she doesn’t have anyone else, but likes the sanuk (fun) factor of staying in touch with friends.  Around you, she just may elect, once seeing who’s calling, of not disturbing her time with you.  In the second scenario, she may have another boyfriend, who could be local, or international, a friend from overseas who makes periodic visits.  If so — and here I anticipate your concern about her having relations with that person — she may be engaged in activities that go beyond an  occasional tete-a-tete.  If that is the case, you’ve got to ask yourself if she’s worth keeping on that basis.  Perhaps she is.  By living with you, she’s thrown her lot in with you, which means the other fellow doesn’t occupy the primacy in her life that you do.  If you love her, giving her the heave-ho could put her into the arms of another who she may not like as much as she likes you.  

I’m going to suggest that you show The Good Manner by telling her of your concern, mentioning that you consider her your future, and telling her of your concerns.  She’ll deny everything, of course, but your questions will put her on high alert that the relationship she values is in potential jeopardy.  At the same time, engage in some critical self-analysis.  Are you spending enough time with her?  Does she suspect you of occasional dalliances as well?  Thai women are extremely protective of their primary (or only) relationships, and my guess is that she’ll appreciate the concern.  If, however, you find that your concerns only accelerate, you’ve got to ask yourself the question: better off with her, or without her?  Pa Farang recognizes that relationships take on many colors,  and sometimes it’s a matter of preferring the devil you know to the devil you don’t. 

Marayat dee, 
– Pa Farang 

Read Pa Farang’s other columns in WoWasis for more advice on relationships and cultural matters in Southeast Asia