It was my first trip to Thailand. Actually, it was my first trip to Southeast Asia. I was 37 years old, had been to Latin America, North America and Western Europe but had yet to venture into the Far East.  I can still recall that after 37 years of American women, I had pretty much written off women as a whole and was really looking forward to traveling around Thailand, partying and taking in the sights. Frankly, I had little or no interest in meeting any gals, and was starting to feel that I just didn’t like them very much anymore.  Well, I still liked sex, but wasn’t interested in all the pain, frustration and humiliation that had to be endured in order to obtain it!  

One of the biggest shocks of my life (which to this day I still haven’t recovered from I must add) came when I changed planes in Tokyo for the Tokyo to Bangkok leg of the flight and first laid my eyes on all those perfect looking Thai hostesses. I had never seen such exquisite beauty and literally was tongue-tied for the first 15 minutes. The prettiest of the attendants approached me and inquired as to whether or not I would like something to drink.  She was so angelic, demure and really the epitome of what a woman she be.  I believe my response was “urgh maybe me uhhh errr” or something like that.  Then I turned to the guy sitting next to me (I was flying first class) and said “what are these?”  He replied that they were Thai flight attendants.  I said “you mean these are women?”  He chuckled and added that they were Thai women.  My very first thought was that I am suddenly afraid of death.  I finally have something to live for! 

I had one of those special moments this week that could only happen in Thailand.  I was in the lobby of the Nana Hotel, chatting with a few friends about various unimportant nonsense when my old mate Seth came lurking around the corner. Seth is a jovial old fellow of approximately (he won’t tell anyone his real age) 85 years and in spite of his years has quite a fondness for the female natives.  I often see him with 2 or 3 gals stumbling back to his apartment which is spitting distance from Nana. On this particular day he was beaming from ear to ear (even more than usual-which is considerable) and looked like he had a secret to tell me. I inquired “Seth, what the heck are you up to you old coot?” With a grin reminiscent of the infamous cat that swallowed the canary he blurted out “In my entire lifetime I never thought it would be possible.  There is actually TOO MUCH pussy!” 

Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s only the bar gals who can act completely irrational.  I had 2 incidents in the past month where “normal” office gals acted like they were completely bonkers.  The first incident concerned a young lady I met at an office party.  She is 23, went to a good university and works at a small Thai company.  We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers and after chatting online a few times we decided to hook up for lunch.  The day before the date I sent an SMS message to her mobile reminding her of the correct time and place to meet.  She sent back a scathing SMS about how I had ruined her life!  We chatted the next day online and she said that her Thai boyfriend had intercepted the message and they had a HUGE fight over it.  Better yet, in her opinion it was all my fault!  Well, she never told me she had a boyfriend and that we had to meet secretly.  She even went as far as to change the title of her MSN homepage to “It’s all your fault” in reference to me.  

The second incident involved a Thai nurse that I have been dating for only a few weeks.  I brought her back to my apartment for the first time and the following conversation ensued:

Me: How do you like my apartment?
Gal: You live here alone?
Me: Yes, I live alone.
Gal: You must have a different lady in your room every night.
Me: Why do you say that?
Gal: If a Thai man doesn’t have a lady live with him then he has sex with a different gal every night.
Me: I am not a Thai man.
Gal: Every man is the same like this.
Me: But if I had a lady live with me, then you couldn’t date me!
Gal: Yes.
Me: And if I live alone then I must be a playboy and you shouldn’t date me.
Gal: Yes, exactly.
Me: So if I have a lady here then you cannot date me, and if I don’t then I am a playboy and you don’t want to date me?
Gal: Yes, now you understand! 

Thankfully we had sex anyway otherwise it would have been a totally frustrating evening.

So what do we conclude from all this nonsense?  Gals will be gals and a certain percentage are totally whacko regardless of whether or not they are Thai or Western, Bar gal or Office gal.  So keep your guards up out there.

Read Khun Lee’s other WoWasis columns for more advice on navigating the adult dating scene through the backstreets of Bangkok