The Good Manner: Love & Relationship Advice from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: Am I the victim of racial discrimination in Bangkok go-go bars?

Dear Pa Farang,

Three of us got 86’d from a go-go bar.  Our crime?  One of our group had just bought a drink for a dancer who sat beside him, then he reached around and pulled one of her breasts out of her top.  No problem, she’d just been topless on stage.  Suddenly, the manager was all over us, started yelling loudly in Thai, and made a scene.  We threw some money on the table and left.  I forgot to mention, we’re African-American.  Funny thing is, other guys were feeling up girls too, but we were the only ones bounced.  Looks like things here are the same as at home, racially-speaking.  I wanted to let you know, Pa Farang, so you could spread the word to the Bros. 

–  Stranger in Paradise 

Dear Stranger, 

Adam Clayton Powell once said the “white man only cares about two things, your vote, and your dollar”. The same can be said for owners of night establishments.  Whether you’re black, white, green, or pink, they all want you to walk in the door and spend “purple” (the color of the 500 baht bill).  While prejudice exists everywhere (all farang pay more than Thais for virtually everything, for example), you were vociferously asked to leave, not for your skin color, but for being a little too aggressive in touching the girls. 

Other guys were doing it?  You don’t know what the relationships were between those folks, or even the context of the touching (mind you, jahkatee tickling games are legion in these clubs).  Here’s a good rule, Stranger:  never grab a girl in a way that could be considered sexual, inside or outside of a Thai bar.  True, some bars are different, and a little more liberal in what interaction is considered acceptable between patrons and dancers.  But a good rule of thumb is that bar girls, despite — or perhaps because of — their jobs, want to maintain as much dignity as they can, in the tough and often unforgiving world they inhabit.  They deserve your respect and kindness.  A long-time Thai hand who managed several bars put it best, “every one of these girls is someone’s daughter”. Try it my way, Stranger.  Show The Good Manner by treating the girls the way you’d want another guy to treat your sister.  You’ll be welcome in every bar in the land. 

Mariyat-dee, 

– Pa Farang 

Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia