The Good Manner: Love & Relationship Advice from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: My religious brother married a Thai prostitute

Dear Pa Farang, 

I come from a God-fearing family who prides itself on honesty and respect.  Last year my brother, who works in Thailand for a large multi-national firm, married a very nice Thai girl who he “met in a restaurant.” On this, my first trip to Thailand, I met his best friend, who casually told me that my brother met his wife in a go-go bar, where she was a dancer. Apparently, he paid cash money for her affections. How am I supposed to break this news to our Mom & Dad?  Can I be expected to lie for the sake of my brother?  What if she has AIDS? 

– Confused Sister 

Dear CS, 

Please consider giving this “very nice” girl a chance to be an accepted, respected member of your family.  She has no doubt come from an economic situation less favorable than yours, and has presented herself well enough to have gained your brother’s love.  He may or may not have paid her at one point (as always, beware of hearsay), but please bear in mind that gifts are given by men to women in any culture; in Thailand they are often given in cash, whereas in the west, goods such as jewelry and clothing are more the norm.  I would take the high road and assume she has neither AIDS, cancer, nor shingles; safe sex has been practiced in the Kingdom for years, and frankly, it’s no business of yours as to her sexual experiences before or during her relationship with your brother.  I would caution you to show The Good Manner and say nothing to your parents about the alleged work experience of their new daughter in law. However well-meaning you intend to be, such commentary is bound to be hurtful to everyone but you, and a lifetime of grief for all parties will most probably be the result of your cautionary, but ultimately cruel statement.  Take the high road; your brother may very well have made a good choice, and if so, his new wife will be a joy to the family for years to come. 

– Pa Farang

 Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia