The Good Manner: Love & Relationship Advice from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: Farang wife doesn’t want husband going to Bangkok 

Dear Pa Farang, 

You might find it unusual, getting a letter from a woman, but I’ll confess, my husband put me up to it.  We’re both in our mid-30s, comfortably living in Los Angeles, and have two school-aged children.  Both of us come from non-traditional families, and he grew up in a commune.  Last year, he all of a sudden became a Buddhist, and now wants to go to Thailand on a spiritual quest.  I told him “over my dead body!”  I’ve read plenty about the aggressiveness of Thai women, and I’ll be damned if I allow him to put our marriage and family at risk by falling into the arms of some tart.  He knows how I feel about this, and showed me some of the letters people have written to you… what I want to know is this: am I crazy if I let him to go Bangkok or what? 

– California Dreamin’ Girl afraid of a Nightmare

 Dear CDG,

 I’ll be straight with you.  There is no denying the beauty and friendliness of our local women.  There is also no denying that California girls have an international reputation for physical beauty as well, and therein, as Shakespeare would say, lies the rub.  If you’re concerned that your husband’s purpose is to date other women, he’d certainly be doing it in California, and wouldn’t have to fly sixteen hours over the dateline (no pun intended) to participate in that activity.  An estimated 10 million visitors come to the Kingdom each year, a number of whom are Buddhists wishing to visit historic wats (temples), people wanting to ride elephants through the forest, and individuals desirous of the beautiful and often inexpensive arts & crafts made in the Land of Smiles.

Since your husband considers my opinion to be of value, I’m going to make two recommendations.  1)  I’d like you to show The Good Manner by exuding trust, and be accommodating of his journey.  Without trust, a relationship will founder like an ancient teak log against the venerable docks of the Chao Phraya River, churning angrily in the wake of a long-tailed boat.  2)  I’d like your husband to insist that you come along. Put up the kids at the grandparents’ for a bit, then you two take what I think is a needed vacation.  It’s along plane ride.  When’s the last time you two took that much time alone for a conversation?  Once you arrive, there is plenty for you to do here. Western women are usually bowled over by the food, the friendliness, and the fashion, and my guess is you’ll have a wonderful time shopping and touring while your husband’s away at the wat.  Based on your letter, I’d say your relationship is in need of repair. Many westerners spend thousands of dollars on marriage therapy, when instead they should be directing their cash reserves to spending quality time together.  I suggest you both come over, and work this out over som tam and tom yam goong. 

– Pa Farang 

Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia