The Good Manner: Love & Relationship Advice from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: losing one’s girlfriend… to another girl!

Dear Pa Farang, 

I have been with my girlfriend, Apple, for more than a year.  I’m very much in love with her, and we have talked marriage.  Unfortunately, I only see her two nights a week, Friday and Saturday, because she is a law student at a prestigious Bangkok university, and uses the other nights to study.  When we are together, things are very passionate.  Last Wednesday night, I had a few beers with some friends, in another part of town.  I walked into a convenience store to buy some smokes, and who’s there?  Though this was nowhere near where she lived, Apple was at the counter, with a very masculine-looking woman!  They looked chummy, and get this — while the clerk was busy, the other girl pinched Apple’s rear.  I said nothing, and she didn’t know I was there. 

On Friday night, I confronted her with what I saw.  She finally confessed that she has a “tom,” someone she’s met at school, who she sees five nights a week.  In fact, the tom has asked her to move in. Apple says she loves me, and loves her tom, too. My friends are telling me to face facts, but I think, although she may be very confused, that if I continue to be understanding, in the end, I will triumph, and Apple and I will marry. Pa Farang, I have a good heart, and am a good provider… by remaining strong, attentive, and affectionate, can I win this one? 

–          Tom’s Foolery 

Dear TF, 

Based on what you are saying, Apple likes her bread buttered on both sides!   It is very un-Thai to show affection in public, and rear-pinching, like jahkatee tickling, is something rarely seen, except among farang.  The fact that Apple apparently didn’t dissuade her tom from doing this indicates they are beyond the “close friends” stage, and Apple is unafraid of acting unconventionally.

You say you are a good provider… are you paying Apple’s way through school?  Because if you are, you not only cannot win this one, you have already lost. If she is not getting money from her parents, she is being supported by you, her tom, or both of you.  Or, she may allot both of you two days each week, and find another source for her money during the remaining three.  That is not hard to do in the Kingdom’s largest city.  If this is the case, you and her tom may become crying partners, if Apple eventually finds somebody wealthier than you both. 

Apple doesn’t sound confused to me at all.  She sounds ideally suited to the legal profession, as she has apparently found how to collect from opposing clients, without having to appear before the judge!  You are hurting, but you must show The Good Manner by recusing yourself from this case, while you and Apple are still friends.  Who knows, if I am mistaken, she may renounce her tom in your favor, but if that happens, you must insist on habeas corpus seven nights a week.

– Pa Farang

Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia