The Good Manner: Love & Relationship Advice from WoWasis’ Pa Farang
This week’s dilemma: When your lady friend has wrecked your apartment

Dear Pa Farang, 

My heart is heavy, and I am seeking your advice. I have just come home, and my apartment has been wrecked. I am a farang, in this country for six months, working for a large multinational company. Because I work long hours, my company hired a maid to come in and clean my house three or four times a week.  She was in her early thirties, and explained to me that she had two small children, and her husband, a compulsive gambler and tuk-tuk driver, had traded her affections for those of a bar girl, although he still maintained residence with her. Sometimes, I would ask my maid to join me for a tea before she left. One afternoon, it was raining quite hard, and I walked her downstairs and out to the corner to find a taxi. After 15 minutes, we both became soaked, and there was no taxi to be found. I started sneezing, so we both went back home to get an umbrella.  Instead of leaving right away, she insisted on making a tea for me, and when I sneezed again, she drew me a hot bath. I am telling you these details so you will understand the particulars of what happened next. I admit, it had been several months since I had last enjoyed the pleasures of a woman. Frankly, I have not been blessed with the looks of a matinee idol, and I was more than secretly pleased when she playfully massaged my neck while I was in the bath. One thing led to another, and we had relations.  Eventually, the afternoon rain abated, and I successfully found her a taxi. Two days later, we had relations again. Then, she left for a one week trip to see her family in Udon Thani. 

In my office, meanwhile, one of the secretaries and I had become close, and we occasionally played “jahkachee” ticking games while others were unaware. While working late one night, this girl from my office offered to fold and staple a series of important documents that had to be couriered to London the following day.  To thank her, I offered to take her to a late dinner. While at dinner, she told me about her efforts to finish college courses, stalled due to her meager pay, and the fact that her mother was ill, and she had to bear her medical expenses. My heart went out to this hardworking and noble, but unfortunate girl. On the spot (and perhaps, aided by the dual efforts of Dionysus and Cupid), I gave her 2,000 baht.  I took her outside to find her a taxi, and went home to bed.  The next day at work, she smiled at me perhaps a little more than usual, but I thought little of it. At 6pm, I went home. Several minutes later, the concierge in the lobby called me, saying a courier was at the desk, and needed my signature on a package.  I requested that the courier be sent up.  To my surprise the courier was “Lek”, the girl from my office.  Inside the package was a Thai dinner for two. “You so busy”, she said, “I think you not eat.”  Naturally, I invited her in, in spite of the fact the Manchester United was engaged in a spirited match to which, I might add, I’d been looking forward.  I can’t tell you my shock, when she removed her full-length sweater, to find her dressed in black go-go boots and a short skirt. Pa Farang, I hope you understand my situation, and what inevitably followed.  

She left at 5 am the next morning, both of us victims of Cupid’s arrow. After a hasty 8 am shower, I was back at the office at 10, as was she, with a particular glow.  At 6 I went home, as was my habit.  Upon opening the door, I was shocked.  My clothes were strewn about the place, cut in shreds, as was my bed linen. A heavy jade ashtray had been thrown through the screen on my oversize television.  I won’t bother to describe the state, or the whereabouts, of the former contents of my refrigerator. Upon calling the concierge, I was informed that “Noi”, my cleaning lady, had returned that afternoon, as scheduled, to clean the apartment. 

I’m not sure how to proceed at this point. The housekeeper, naturally, should be fired, but I’m not sure whether to press the issue with the authorities. My company owns this furnished apartment, and it’s going to cost me dearly to replace the television. Will she attempt further retribution by causing trouble at my company?  I’m not the most experienced hand with women, in general, and I’m not sure if this behavior is what I can expect from Thai women, or whether this is an anomaly. Color me perplexed.  What could I have done differently, and how should I proceed with both of these women? 

–          Khun Nigel

 Dear Khun Nigel, 

As my colleague, Uncle Go, states, “I’ve said don’t play around with it. Because once you’ve tried you won’t be able to turn back, no matter how much you try.”  You have now bitten the apple of jahkachee tickling games, and have found a worm. But your first mistake was to mislead your maid, “Noi,” as to the nature of your relationship. When you slept with her, you were, in effect, entering the realm of becoming marriage material, even though the event seemed casual to you. I would not doubt that she had been planning for such an “accident” to occur for some time. Why would she not have brought an umbrella to your house on a stormy day?  She had given you clues as to the tenuous state of her marriage, but you refused to listen to her heart, and instead, concentrated on the pleasures of the moment.  Now you are a victim of “jai aakhâat mâat ráay”, or “revenge heart.” Guaranteed, she found evidence of the affections you bestowed upon your co-worker. Her actions served as her warning that you and she have entered into a relationship, regardless of your informal attentions.  Within two days, I predict, she will return to clean your apartment, will bring flowers and a small gift, and will say nothing about her last visit. Meanwhile, your co-worker, who has probably admired you from afar for some time, will consider you hers as well.  If she discovers your relationship with your housekeeper, you may expect a certain amount of discomfort at work. 

You have learned a lesson, and created a situation that, while easily undone, you may not want to replicate. First, you must either choose the woman for whom you have the most affection, and discard the other. Or, if you choose neither, you must disentangle yourself from both.  If you wish not to see your maid again, change your locks, and inform both day and night desk personnel at your apartment that your maid’s services are no longer required. Inform the maintenance manager as well. Supply all of these individuals with a token of your appreciation, such as a bottle of good scotch. This will supplant any attempt at bribery from your maid, who, in getting so near to a sponsor who might end her matrimonial misery, may try anything to wrest you away from a rival. If you wish to sever the relationship with your co-worker, invite her to lunch, and tell her you made a mistake, and, in retrospect, cannot have a relationship with someone with whom you work.  Apologize for your momentary weakness, and for goodness sake, think of her in conservative business dress, and not in black go-go boots.  “Jahkachee” is a game that can have permanent repercussions, and I advise you to resist this most tempting of Thai delights.  From now on, practice The Good Manner in relationships with female co-workers and domestic help unless you intent to become a steady patron of clothing shops and television stores.

– Pa Farang

Read Pa Farang’s other columns for more advice on relationships in Southeast Asia