Dear Pa Farang,

I'm a Texas gal in my mid-30s on a dream assignment for a year in Bangkok. I was a cheerleader in high school and a Phi Beta Kappa, so I'm good-looking and no slouch in the brains department either. Here, it's like I'm invisible. All the fellows seem hooked up with Thai girls. So in a town full of Western guys, why can't I get a date? I've tried all the spots in the guidebooks, too. I guess my question is, where can I meet decent guys in this town?

Sincerely,

Body & Brains

Dear B & B,

To make you feel better, I've never known a Western girl who genuinely liked men, had a good personality, a sunny disposition, slender, and who bathed regularly, to be without a date very long. Here, the turf is a bit different, so I'll begin by telling you what it is about Thai women that Western men find so attractive. Since they are your competition, let's see what they're doing to sharpen the competitive edge.

First and foremost, watch a Thai girl and a Western man approach each other on the street. He smiles, and she smiles. Now, watch a Western girl and a Western man approach each other. He smiles, she looks away. Thai girls love to be friendly, and know the man approaching will not throw her down on the street and have his way with her in front of the Skytrain entrance. She assumes every man has a good heart until he proves her wrong. Many relationships in the Kingdom have started with a friendly smile on the street.

Thai girls are also fastidious bathers, especially before or after intimacies. Western women who feel a shower in the morning will do it for the day won't get second chances with men who have already had relationships with a super-clean Thai. Thai girls also like men for being men. They understand that men and women have different outlooks on life. Thai girls refer to men who date several different women as "butterflies." Western women call them "no good, lyin', cheatin' varmints."

Thai girls eat healthy foods, and stay slender (though the rise of Western junk food here in the Kingdom doesn't bode well for their future health). Many Western gals are carrying enough padding for two horses and a pack mule. So, B & B, put yourself in a guy's shoes: given a choice between Western women and Thais, what would you choose?

Now that we understand the law in these here parts, here's my advice. For two weeks, show The Good Manner by smiling at every Western man who approaches you on the street. The response may surprise you. They'll smile back and say hello. You may get asked for coffee. When you're engaged in conversation over the campfire, assume that he's a good guy, rather than guessing whether he's wearing a toupée, or if he buried his ex-wife under the garage. If you manage to wrangle him up to your own private sky-ranch, do some Texas-sized skinny dippin' in a hot shower before he demonstrates his mechanical-bull skills on you. I know you're savvy because you didn't make the same mistake many Western women do, in characterizing Thai girls as being subservient. They are certainly the opposite.

I have a feeling that if you adhere to my good counsel, you'll have your dance card filled with podners before the next water buffalo drive closes down Sukhumvit.

Marayat dee!

Pa Farang