I have a Thai wife.
A village marriage, no name change.
We have been together for 5 years.
Two years of marriage. I will make this short.
She never seems to miss me like a western girl would.
Hug and kiss when I make my once every 4 months visit.
Doesn’t ask for much but I have spent $8,000 on Mama and Papa home improvement.
I have also bought about $8,000 worth of rice fields.
I have a nice 11,000 Baht apartment in Bangkok where she lives.
I have gotten very annoyed with the lack of affection.
Sex yes, affection no. I buy her clothes and gold or jewelry on occasion.
During my last visit after taking her to Pattaya for a few days.
Shopping included. We returned to our apartment.
I am only in town for about 2 weeks at a time.
One morning she tells me that she does not want to have sex. Pissed me off.
Later in front of me, she takes all of my money out of my money belt and puts it in her closet.
$1200 US. What the hell is that about?
We have about 160,000 Baht in the bank that she has access to.
She doesn't work. All she does is lay around the apartment watching TV, reading magazines and talking to her friends on the phone or computer.
All I ask is good sex and affection when I come. And I am not getting either.
I think that is time to cut her lose and enjoy Thailand on my own.
I'm 56 and she is 31. What do you think?
Thanks for any advice,
- RY
|
Dear RY,
You are asking a rhetorical question, and for good reason, you’ve decided to leave her. She is most assuredly not showing the good manner. The real questions you should be asking (and which I’ll answer) are:
1) How can I escape the relationship with the most of my money?
2) How can I escape the relationship with my life?
You do stand a pretty good chance at getting murdered, so let’s try to save your skin and your money, OK?
Your wife has a Thai boyfriend, which is why she does not want to have sex with you. She and he are plotting to take all of your money, and she has promised him that she will no longer have sex with you. If you choose to complain in-country, you may get set up to be murdered by her boyfriend's cronies. It only costs $50 USD to murder someone in the Land of Smiles. Because you have a "village marriage," you are not legally married to her in the Western sense, which means you can leave without legal entanglements. I have some rules for you. If you follow them, you will be happier, and healthier.
First rule: There is no reason for you to see her ever again. In doing so, you cannot win. You won’t be able to convince her to love or have sex with you. She’ll go through your pockets again. If she thinks you’re trying to leave her, she’ll call in her boyfriend to rough you up and steal everything left (a visit to the ATM, for starters). I hope your apartment isn’t on an upper floor with a view. If it is, I hope you can fly when you get pushed out. Rule #1: Don’t see her again.
Second rule: Don’t let her know you’re even thinking of leaving. If she thinks you’ll leave, she’ll pull every trick in the book to get you back, from tears, to threats, to promises of sex. She’ll clear out the bank account, too. Her boyfriend doesn’t want to see the gravy train pull out of the station, so he’ll beat her and call her a fool for offending you. Don’t telegraph your punches. And don’t cancel the apartment just yet. Rule #2: Convince her everything is just fine.
Third rule: Recover as much of your cash as you can. You cannot recover what you’ve already lost, but you can protect what’s left. Here's how you do it:
1) Immediately (that means today) remove all funds from your joint bank account. It’s your money. Let me repeat that: It’s your money. If possible, close the account, and tell the bank manager you have to remain in your home country from now on for health reasons.
2) Once the money has been completely withdrawn, write her the following email:
“Honey-ja,
I have bad news. My doctor tells me that I have very poor health, and I can no longer travel. I may have to go into a special medical home. This means I can no longer go to Thailand. My heart is heavy that I cannot see you again, but I must follow my doctor’s orders. I must also keep all of my money for my health. I wish you to have a healthy life for your future.
Love, your Honey-ja”
3) As soon as you hit the “send” button, your 11,000 baht ($326 USD) per month apartment can now be dropped. Call or email the landlord, 30 day notice, forget about your deposit. Tell him or her no more money will be forthcoming, and you have to stay in your own country for health reasons.
So Rule #3 is: Cut and Run.
RY, you have now saved your life and some of your money. When you return to Thailand, resist the urge to see her, and stay away from establishments where you were known to be a couple. She will have put the word out to call her when an acquaintance sees you next, so get some new haunts and a new girlfriend. In Thailand, renting companionship is cheaper than buying it, but that's another Pa Farang column.
Pa Farang is feeling especially good tonight, knowing he saved a man's life. Don't throw it away by seeing your lady friend again. If you do, advise your friends to contact me so I can attend your funeral.
Marayat dee,
- Pa Farang
|