Dear Pa Farang,

I’m a southern boy from North Carolina tobacco country, who’s been blessed with a good inheritance. Several years ago, I packed up and began living in Thailand. Right off, I hooked up with an Isaan lady. Now we’re married, with a little guy on the way. One of the first things I had to get straight with her was not eat bugs when I’m in the room enjoying a beer. I’ve served in two wars, but I’ll admit, eating creepy-crawlers turns me green.

Now, here’s my problem. My aged parents are coming to Thailand to meet Lek and her family. They’re the administrators of my grandpa’s estate, and the bulk of it will go to their first-born grandson (my son), provided my wife and her family pass muster with my folks.

My lady’s people in Roi Et are wonderful country folks, but they serve bugs with every course, and I know my mom & dad will have a fit. If they walk out, the inheritance goes to my younger brother and his kid, a guy who pretty much sits around all day studying philosophy and looking at crystals.

It’s not like I can keep my folks away from Lek’s family, as they’d be suspicious. The Buddhism they can handle, the bugs they can’t. Please answer quickly, they’re coming next month.

Sincerely,

Tabacca Country Ken

Dear TC Ken,

Not having told me much about your parents, I’m going to make the assumption that they don’t have a problem with Lek’s racial background, or her family’s comparatively unequal economic status. If they did, I doubt they’d be making the trip in the first place. You’ve got to manage communication on three fronts: your family, your wife, and her family.

I’d ensure your family is prepared for seeing Thai country life by showing them a picture book or two when they arrive in Bangkok. Show them what an Isaan farm looks like, and explain that Lek is just as proud of her family as you are of yours. Explain the Isaan diet is different, and, like country people over much of the rest of the world, they eat food unfamiliar to westerners, which includes some species of insects. You might mention the affinity your parents have for honey, if they have that pleasure. Be sure to tell your parents that they will not offend their hosts if they don’t eat bugs, as Thai people are gracious hosts and always understand that customs of others are different.

Your parents coming to visit Lek’s will honor their status in the village, and, as Poo Yai, you’ll be expected to pay for a feast for family and friends. After you arrive, one of the first things you’ll probably do is go shopping for food with Lek and her family. This will include food items the family ordinarily might not afford, as well as booze and beer. As Poo Yai, you honor the family with your visit, so you must show the Good Manner by being gracious about paying for it.

You may also get dunned by relatives of hers for various fees and donations. The best way to handle this is to explain that Lek handles the money, which lets her determine who these folks are, and if their cause has merit. Of course, you’ll want to have a separate discussion with her about your budget, to ensure you’re not perceived as a water tap with a stop-cock that no longer works.

Our experience with many country people is that while they’ll snack on bugs, they don’t make them the main course, especially with the chicken, rice, and vegetables you’ll be supplying. Ask Lek to convey your desire for a bug-free feast to her parents. Discuss how Lek can save face when asking her parents to temporarily forego a snack they might otherwise enjoy. She can then mention your parents’ aversion to bugs, and I think her parents will be happy to cooperate.

Be forewarned, though, that neighbors will drop by to pay their respects, happily chewing on a water beetle before and after wai-ing your parents. I think you may be surprised, though. Westerners get quickly used to not being offended by the customs of their hosts, and your parents will, I predict, be charmed by the exoticism of the village, and by the generous hospitality of Lek’s parents (there’s no law that says you have to tell them who paid the freight, by the way.) If your parents are not averse to imbibing, do not be surprised to see your mother or father taking late-night lessons from a six year-old on the intricacies of eating grasshopper.

Marayat dee!

Pa Farang