Dear Pa Farang,

Last year, my $8,000 Rolex watch was suddenly missing from my bedroom. After discussing the situation with my wife, we summarily fired the maid, who had been with us for two years, but who was the only one with access to our house.

Six months later, my wife and I, after a series of misunderstandings and fights, decided to live separately. We have not communicated since then.

Yesterday, I received a letter from a nun at a Bangkok wat. She wrote to me that my ex-wife had approached her seeking guidance. As it turns out, she had stolen my watch and sold it, to pay a gambling debt her brother had incurred. Through the nun, she is seeking my forgiveness, and, I suppose, a way to rekindle the relationship.

What should I do, Pa Farang, forgive her and open the lines of communication? Go to the police? I don’t want her to go to jail, but I would like to recover my money.

Sincerely,

A Bewildered Husband

Dear BH,

You are asking the wrong question. Properly phrased, it should be: how can I get the maid to forgive me? You have said your maid was with you for two years. Thus, she was a member of your family, and you were “poo-yai” to her, her benefactor, employer, and protector.

You failed her on all three counts. To show The Good Manner, you must seek her forgiveness. She has probably lost money because of the decision to fire her, and has lost face with friends and family.

This is where your wife comes in. If she wishes to repair the damage, and she appears to be sincere since she is enlisting the help of a wat, she should take the responsibility of paying for at least part of the watch. This money, I would offer to the maid as recompense. Your maid may live in a neighborhood unfamiliar to you, and difficult to navigate. You may therefore be fortunate enough to enlist the assistance of the same nun who is in contact with you now.

Your wife will first make merit by making a fair donation to the wat from her recompensation funds. She (and you) should show the Tall Heart (jit jai suung) by asking the nun if she’d be willing to meet the maid, to deliver your apologies as well as a sum of money to compensate for losing her beloved, and much appreciated, job. Do not make another mistake of trust by expressing concern that the nun will not perform a task to which she’s agreed.

In taking this path to righting an injustice, you, your wife, and your former employee will feel better, and your personal ship of decency would be righted.

Marayat dee!

Pa Farang